


Insecurity

by naomilpick



Series: Nothing Even Matters [2]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 20:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naomilpick/pseuds/naomilpick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall and Logan have been together for 3 years now. Everything has been great until Kendall starts acting strange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Logan's POV

I sat on the orange sofa in apartment 2J reading one of my medical books, since it was still a dream of mine to become a doctor once Big Time Rush is over. I had to be prepared for my future.

I was the only person in the apartment at the present time; Carlos and James had said something about going to buy James some more Cuda hair products (I swear the hole in the ozone layer was caused by him alone), Mrs. Knight had taken Katie to another audition, and I hadn't seen Kendall all morning (he wasn't in his bed when I woke up).

Kendall and I have been together for three years now, and we couldn't be happier. Everything had turned out great after we had come out publicly with our relationship at the benefit concert. Record sales had actually skyrocketed, which made Gustavo and Griffin happy. You could say that me and Kendall were the perfect couple. We never fought or argued with each other, though we had our differences, which any healthy relationship has. But we were meant to be together, like soul mates. I believed that with every fiber of my being.

As I flipped through another page of my book, I heard the front door open. Figuring it was James and Carlos, I kept my nose in my book, they would know to leave me alone while I was reading. I jumped as a pair of arms circled around my neck. My heart skipping a beat.

"Hey, Baby!" Kendall's breath ghosted over my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

I sighed at his touch. "You get too much enjoyment out of doing that, you know?" I said as I kissed the back of his hand.

He walked around the couch, plopping down beside me. "I don't what you're talking about, Logan," he said feigning innocence.

"Why do you always have to scare me like that? You're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days." I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips. I just couldn't be mad at him.

He chuckled lightly. "Guess it's a good thing you want to be a doctor then, huh?"

I rolled my eyes and cuddled up next to my boyfriend (boy, do I still love the sound of that), relishing in the feeling of his hands running softly through my hair. "So, where have you been? I haven't seen you all day, and you weren't there when I woke up this morning."

Kendall suddenly tensed beside me. "Um…nowhere special." The blonde mumbled nervously and started to play with the hem of his t-shirt.

That was odd. I leaned up and eyed him suspiciously. "What's going on with you?" He had never acted this way before.

Kendall moved so he could stand up. "N-nothing. Don't worry about it. I'm gonna go take a nap." He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to my lips.

"Okay," I said warily. I watched Kendall as he retreated to the sanctuary of our room. Something was definitely up. I just had to find out what.

After about a half hour, an adequate amount of time for Kendall to fall asleep, I got up from the couch and made my way towards our bedroom. Silently I opened the door, so I didn't wake Kendall, not that he was a light sleeper or anything. That boy could sleep through an earthquake. The soft snores coming from the direction of his bed indicated I was successful with my silence.

I crept over to the side of his bed, and grabbed his cell phone of the nightstand. I felt bad for going through his phone, but I had to figure out why he was acting so weird. I began to notice that he had made multiple phone calls to Jo Taylor, a couple to Carlos, had gotten some received calls from James, and a few from a number with no caller id. The only weird call being from the unknown number.

As I went to close the phone, it vibrated signaling Kendall had a new text message. I knew I shouldn't have opened it, but my curiosity was peaked. I looked back to Kendall's bed to make he was still sleeping before hitting the 'view' button. When the message flashed on the screen, I saw that it was from Jo.

Hey, r we still on 4 2nite?-J

"What's going on tonight?" I muttered to myself. Kendall began to stir in his sleep, so I marked the message as unread, put the phone back down on the nightstand, and quickly, made my way out of the room.

I walked into the kitchen, looking through the cabinets and fridge, to get myself something to eat. I turned my head, hearing a sleepy grunt coming from the living room, as Kendall made his into the kitchen. Act natural, Logan. You could have just misunderstood the message. He couldn't actually be cheating on you. I thought to myself, as Kendall came to stop beside me.

"Hey, Babe, you want some food? I was just about to make me a grilled cheese sandwich." I asked snaking my arm around his waist. "I can make you one too."

He placed a kiss to my forehead. "Yea, that sounds delicious, thank you."

He pulled away as I began to butter the bread for our lunch. We were silent while I prepared the food, the only sound coming from the sizzling sandwiches. I glanced up at Kendall after I flipped his grilled cheese over to cook the other side. He threw me the smirk that he is well known for. I smiled back at him before returning back to the food, taking it out of the pan to place on a paper plate (I hate doing dishes, so why not make it a little easier on myself).

"Thank you." Kendall placed a chaste kiss to my lips and then took a seat at the table, me following close behind him. He started eating his food, immediately dropping the sandwich and blowing out through his mouth.

I chuckled as he waved his hands in front of his mouth. "Be careful. It might be kind of hot."

"Gee, thanks for warning." He said sarcastically.

I flashed him an innocent smile. "So, are we gonna do anything tonight?" I already knew the answer, but I had to hear him say it.

"Oh...um…no." He swallowed a bite of his lunch before continuing. "I already got plans tonight."

I tried to hide the hurt expression on my face. "Oh, okay. No worries. I gotta study for that entrance exam anyway. Probably gonna have to pull an all-nighter." Why wouldn't he just tell me he had plans with Jo tonight? I would have understood. Oh, God, what if he is cheating on me?

"Don't worry, Logie-bear." He clapped me on the shoulder. "You'll do great on the test. You always do."

I just nodded my head, and we finished the rest of our lunch in silence.

After Kendall finished his sandwich, he got up from the table, putting his plate in the trash can. He came back over to me to peck me once on the lips. "I have to go take a shower. I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yea, I know. I love you too." I sighed as I watched him walk away from me and into the bathroom after grabbing a towel from the closet in the hall. I couldn't help the feeling that I got in the pit of my stomach, the one that said he was hiding something from me. I tried to push the thought to the back of my head as I finished my lunch alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan's POV

I glanced at the clock on my cell-phone again, probably the tenth time in a half hour. 10:53 pm, it read. I laid back down on my bed, and closed my eyes, trying to will my body to shut down and just go to sleep. But my mind was on overdrive. Why wasn't Kendall back yet? It really had me worried. I had tried to take my mind off of him to study, but when that failed, I decided I might as well catch some shut eye, but so much for that.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity later, though the clock only said it was 11:04 pm, I heard the front door of the apartment open. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep, so he wouldn't think I was up waiting for him to come home. The door knob to our bedroom turned slowly, Kendall probably trying to be considerate. I heard the soft padding of his feet as he shuffled about the room, changing into the t-shirt and sweatpants he uses as his pajamas.

My muscles tensed slightly when I felt the bed dip down under his weight as he climbed in under the covers beside me. Kendall draped his arm over my side softly. "Logie? You awake?" He whispered into my ear. I could feel his breath ghosting across my cheek and neck. I kept quiet, not really in the mood to talk at the present time, and tried to keep a steady breathing rhythm, giving off the allusion that I was in a deep slumber.

I felt his lips brush against my ear as continued to whisper. "I love you so much, Logan." He pecked me once on the cheek, before settling his body behind and drifting off to sleep. I, on the other hand, still couldn't go to sleep.

A whole new slew of thoughts scrambled around in my brain. Mostly, they all centered around one thought. He may be acting strange, but there is no way he can be cheating on me.

~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~

After only getting about three hours of sleep last night, I woke up to my alarm clock. I hit the off button, knowing Kendall would still want to sleep. I was the only early riser in this place. I shifted in the bed slightly, and, trying not to disturb him because he looked so peaceful when he slept, I slipped out of the hold he had on my waist. I leaned over and placed a quick kiss to his lips, and when I pulled away, I noticed that he was smiling in his sleep. I stood up, yawning and stretching out my tired muscles, and made my way into the bathroom to shower.

When I finished, I threw on my clothes for the day, and headed towards the kitchen, where I was greeted with the familiar smell of breakfast. "Good morning, Mama K. What's for breakfast this…morning?" I paused as I rounded the corner, noticing that Mrs. Knight was not the one by the stove humming. "Kendall?" He turned and smiled brightly at me.

"Good morning, Sweetheart."

I looked at him curiously. "What are you doing up so early? And why are you cooking?"

He just shrugged and smiled. "For once, I wanted to be the one to make my boyfriend breakfast."

"Oh." He began to hum the tune to one of our songs again as he turned back towards the stove. I recognized the song immediately as the one he wrote about us three years ago, Nothing Even Matters. I smiled as I stared at his back, my eyes trailing downwards. I couldn't help but think how perfect my boyfriend is, even with his bushy eyebrows.

I walked over to stand behind Kendall. I snaked my arms around his slim waist, placing my chin on his shoulder. "So, whatcha makin', good-lookin'?"

"Omelets." He said turning to kiss my forehead. "How does that sound?"

"Wonderful. Do you need any help?"

He gestured towards the cabinets holding the dishes. "You could set the table. Food's almost ready."

I kissed the back of his neck, him slightly shivering under my touch, and pulled away to set out plates and silverware, and grab us something to drink. "Milk or orange juice, Babe?"

"Orange juice would be great." He placed the omelets on our plates and placed the frying pan in the sink before coming back to table to sit beside me. We ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, until a cell-phone ring interrupted. Kendall realized it was his, so he got up and grabbed it off the counter.

"It's Kelly. Hold on." He said holding up a finger to me. I continued to eat while he took the call. "Morning, Kelly." He paused, letting Kelly talk. "Uh-huh. Yea, I'll be there in about 20 minutes…Alright, Bye." He flipped the phone shut, dropping it back on the counter.

"Gustavo?"

He nodded his head as he sat back down to finish his breakfast. "Kelly said he wants me to come in and rerecord some of the harmonies on the new song. I guess he said I was flat or something."

"Okay, when will you be back?"

He paused to think. "I don't know. A few hours maybe?"

"Alright, I'm sure I can find something to occupy myself here until you get back."

He scoffed. "I don't want you to be cooped up in the apartment all day waiting for me."

"But…"

"No, buts." He interrupted me before I could protest. "You, James, and Carlos should go out. Have a good a time. You spend way too much time in 2J studying or reading. Why don't you just get out for a while?"

There were some things I had wanted to do. "Well, I have been wanting to go see that new exhibit at the museum that opened last week. And maybe go to the bookstore; I'm running out of things to read." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"That's more like it." He said ruffling my hair. He stood and made his way to James and Carlos' room, knocking loudly on the door, and disappearing behind it. Muffled voices filling the air. Kendall came walking back out of the room a minute later. "Alright, it's settled. James and Carlos agreed to go with you."

"Well, they said they'd go if they got to do something they wanted to do too." He said pursing his lips.

I chuckled at his expression and shook my head. "There's the friends I know and love."

Kendall glanced at the time on his phone. "Oh, I gotta go." He walked over to me and placed a gentle kiss to my lips. I pouted as he pulled away. "Alright, one more." He chuckled as he leaned in once more sealing his lips over mine. Not ready for the kiss to end, I grabbed hold of his neck to try to hold him in place for a few seconds longer. I could feel him smile against my lips as he pulled away again. Curse my body for being so much smaller and weaker than his. "Okay, I really gotta go, or I'll be late, and you know how Gustavo is."

I nodded my head as I watched him grab his things and head for the door. He turned towards me one last time before he closed the door. "I love you."

"I love you, too." At the same time that the front door closed, James and Carlos came bounding into the dining room/kitchen.

"You ready to have some fun, Logan?" Carlos asked practically half way out the door already.

I looked between my two friends. "Don't you guys want breakfast first?"

"Nah," James said waving his hand. "Let's just go!"

"Alright." I got up to follow my anxious friends out the door.

James POV

I pulled my phone from my pocket, when I felt vibrate against my leg. Following Logan and Carlos into the elevator, I hit the view button, and tried to hide the screen from Logan just in case the message was from Kendall, which it was.

U kno what to do. Keep him busy & out of the apart. I need at least 2 hrs. ~K

No prob buddy. We got u covered. ~J


	3. Chapter 3

James' POV

It ended up taking Kendall longer than he expected. Me and Carlos had to keep stalling Logan, so we dragged him to a place that we knew would take us a long time to visit: the mall. We pulled Logan from store to store, telling him 'Just one more' and 'There's something I have to see in here'.

Logan huffed and pulled his hand out of my grip as we walked into another clothing store. "Come on, guys. I'm sure Kendall is home by now. Can't we just go home?"

"Uh, no…I, uh…need James's help…picking out an outfit for my date with Stephanie." Carlos said tripping over his words. I fought hard to not roll my eyes, and try not to slap him upside the head. He wasn't doing a very good job at hiding anything.

But luckily Logan didn't notice. And he's supposed to be the smart one of the group? "Alright, fine." He went and sat down on the chair that is always sitting beside the dressing rooms. He pulled out his cell-phone, probably to text Kendall. I swear that boy can't go a whole day without seeing his precious boyfriend.

I kept up the façade as I walked around the racks of clothing, trying to find something that would suit Carlos. Just as I was about to ask Carlos when his fake date with Stephanie was, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I glanced up to make that sure Logan was still sitting in the corner, and hit the view button on my phone. No doubt another message from Kendall.

OK, we r finished…Jo just left, I need 2 shwr & get clean…need prob 30min ~ K

I nodded my head, and hit reply.

That's ok, dude. We'll just go 2 lunch ~ J

I pocketed my phone again, and walked over to Logan. "Hey, Logan?" He stopped whatever he was doing on his phone to look up at me. "Me and Carlos were talking about getting something to eat in the food court. You hungry?"

"Sure, why not? Kendall just text that he was still at the studio anyway." Logan sighed and stood up. "Hey, James?" He asked looking down at his feet.

"What's up, buddy?"

He began to kick at imaginary dirt. "Do you think Kendall was acting strange yesterday?"

I tensed slightly, but kept my cool regardless. "No, why would you think that?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Probably because when I asked about where he was that morning, he acted like he was hiding something."

"I'm sure it's all in your head, dude." Be careful about what you say James. You don't want to slip up.

"Yea, I guess so." Logan dropped the subject, and we turned and headed towards the food court, with Carlos tagging along behind us.

The three of us settled into a table after getting our food from the restaurant of our choosing. I grabbed a hamburger and fries from McDonalds; Carlos was on this Asian kick, so he got Chinese; and Logan decided on something healthy, after saying he'd been eating too much junk food lately.

We sat and chatted for a while after we finished eating, all of us too full and too tired to move yet. I jumped slightly in my seat when my phone vibrated against my leg. Logan eyed me questioningly, and I just waved it off like it was nothing.

I'm ready…I'll meet him in the lobby when u get here…I don't want him in the apart yet ~ K

Alright…is there anything else u need us 2 do? ~ J

Not that I can think of…just make sure the apart isn't messed up ~ K

Will do, buddy ~ J

Ur the best, dude. Thnx 4 all the help ~ K

Logan's POV

We got back to the Palm Woods at about 1:15pm. I figured that was plenty of time for Kendall to finish up at the studio. When I walked into the lobby, I saw Kendall sitting on the couch reading something. Probably just a new song he's working on. I mentally shrugged to myself and made my way towards him. He looked up just in time for me to lean town and to capture his lips in a sweet yet passionate kiss. "I missed you today, Baby." I told him when I pulled away.

"I missed you too." He said as he quickly shoved the paper into his jacket pocket. "I don't like going half the day without kissing you." I faintly heard James and Carlos behind me making mock gagging noises. I flipped them off, while a laughing Kendall pulled me down into his lap. "Just ignore them." He whispered into my ear, his hot breath tickling my cheek.

"I try too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him softly once more. "So, how was your morning?"

He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. "Long, especially without you there to keep me company."

"Well, I'm here now." I leaned down to kiss his neck. "I guess I'll just have to make it up to you." I whispered in his ear as seductively as I could.

It must have worked because I could hear Kendall squirm and moan under my touch. "Ngh…Logie?"

"What?" I asked, continuing my gentle assault on his neck.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing anything like this in the middle of the lobby." He kissed me lightly once more on the lips before resting his forehead against mine. "There's plenty of time for that later." He pulled away and winked flirtatiously at me, then moved me off his lap so that he could stand to his feet.

I whined quietly until he turned around to smirk at me. "Where do you think you're going?"

Kendall grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me to my feet. "We are going out."

"And may I ask where you are taking me?" I asked, my smile growing a mile wide.

He slung his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. "I thought we could go ice skating, and then after that, maybe go to dinner."

"Sounds great, Babe." I leaned in to peck him once on the cheek. "Let's go!" I said practically dragging him out of the hotel towards the Big Time Rush mobile.

"Woah, Logie, slow down. We got all afternoon." Kendall climbed into the passenger side, while I got into the driver's seat.

I started up the engine and turned to face Kendall. "I know we do. But you gotta cut me some slack; I've been Kendall deprived for five hours." He pressed his lips together, trying to stifle his laughter. "You think I'm joking, but I'm not. James and Carlos wear me out."

Kendall reached over to run his hand through my dark brown hair. "Well, now it's just you and me." I smiled brightly at my boyfriend, and pulled out of the parking lot, driving towards the only ice rink in Los Angeles.

~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~

After we skated for a few hours, and deciding that it was still too early for dinner, we decided to just take a nice, relaxing walk through the Palm Woods Park. As we walked down the sidewalk, Kendall grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers together.

"Can you believe we've been together for three years now?" Kendall asked keeping his eyes facing forward.

"Wow, random much?" He looked over and smirked at me. "I know what you mean. It seems like it was yesterday that I kissed you in our room for the first time." I sighed happily, remembering the events that had happened that caused us to realize our feelings for each other.

He chuckled lightly to himself, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You're getting kinda sappy on me, Logan."

"Shut up." I jabbed him in the side with my elbow. "You're the one that brought it up."

"That may be true, but you're the one that went and turned it into a chick flick moment." He continued laughing after I glared at him. I pulled my hand out of his and crossed my arms across my chest, speeding up my pace to walk ahead of him. "Oh, don't get mad at me." He reached out to wrap his hand around my waist, spinning me back into his body, my chest pressed up against his and our foreheads touching. "You know that's what I love about you."

I could feel his breath on my lips, making my mouth water. I leaned in to close the gap between us, Kendall meeting me halfway. Our lips met in a passionate kiss, which heated up pretty quickly. I melted into the kiss, our lips molding together like they were two puzzle pieces that joined together perfectly. I felt his tongue graze across my lower lip, asking for entrance. I granted it immediately, and our tongues began to battle for dominance. Kendall eventually took control of the kiss, and began mapping out the most sensitive areas of my mouth, making me moan into the kiss. After a minute, I reluctantly pulled away from the kiss in need of air. Breathing heavily, I leaned my forehead back against his, kissing him softly once more.

"I love you." He whispered softly, eyes still closed.

I reached up and stroked his cheek lovingly. "I love you too." His eyes opened, revealing the most beautiful emerald green eyes. No matter how many times I see them, I still can't help but appreciate their beauty.

Kendall pulled away and sat down on the grass beneath him, tugging on my wrist so I would sit with him. I settled myself in between his legs and leaned back against his chest, with his arms snaked around my waist. We sat there quietly on the ground watching as the sun sank behind the trees.

Once it started to get dark, we stood up and made our way to the restaurant that was across the street from the Palm Woods. The maître de sat us down at a very secluded table near the back of the dining area. We ordered our food and drinks, and sat talking, keeping our conversations light and casual, though Kendall did most of the speaking. I couldn't help but stare at my boyfriend's beautiful face, and think about how lucky I was.

I knew that Kendall was my soul mate. There was not a doubt in my mind. We were just so perfect for each other, like the other half that makes us whole. I know it's cheesy, right? Well, that's how I feel. And I know that I want to marry him one day. It didn't matter to me anymore that he had been acting strange; I knew that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And that's all that really matters.

~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~

We walked hand in hand up the stairs back to the apartment after we finished eating our meal. We stopped and Kendall released my hand to fish out his keys and unlock the front door. He opened the door and grabbed my hand again, pulling me in behind him before closing the door after us.

He flipped on the light switch, and I gasped at the sight that I instantly was greeted with. "Kendall, what is this all about?" On the dining room table, there was a bottle of sparkling grape juice (after all, we were still too young to drink) with two glasses, a vase with a single red rose, and a single lit candle in the middle.

"I just felt tonight was a little special." He said grinning down at me. I stared into his gorgeous eyes for what felt like the millionth time. He leaned down to place a gentle, chaste kiss on my lips.

I eyed him curiously as he pulled away. "What makes it so special?"

He grinned smugly as grabbed both my hands in his, and got down on one knee. My mouth fell open, and my heart rate began to rapidly speed up in my chest.

"Oh my God." That was all that would come out of my mouth.

He smiled at me with the brightest smile that I had ever seen grace his features. "Logan Philip Mitchell, I love you, so much. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He looked down and pulled a small box out of pocket, while keeping hold of one my hands. He flipped open the top of the box, showing me the beautiful white gold ring nestled into the cushion, and looked back into my eyes and I could feel the passion that was about to explode out of him. "Would you do me the greatest honor of marrying me?"

My breath was coming out in gasps by now. "Yes!" I said smiling so big that my face was hurting, but I didn't care. He stood up and slipped the ring onto my left ring finger, while he kissed me lovingly. I felt a tear of happiness slide down my cheek, which he wiped away with the pad of his thumb. "I love you Kendall Knight."

"I love you too." He kissed me gently once more before taking my hand and leading me to our bedroom, leaving the romantic setup long forgotten.


End file.
